


Off The Charts

by cynatnite



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-09
Updated: 2011-04-09
Packaged: 2017-10-17 19:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynatnite/pseuds/cynatnite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starsky and Hutch read a questionnaire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Off The Charts

Sitting in the exam room, Starsky nervously fiddled his thumbs. He glanced at his partner who calmly sat on the examination table flipping through an old magazine. Starsky’s eyes wandered around the room to the various instruments which he viewed as more of torture devices than to assist the physician.

“Starsk, it’s only a follow-up,” Hutch stated without raising his eyes from the magazine. “Relax.”

Starsky folded his arms and looked at Hutch. “I hate doctors, Hutch. You know that. Besides, it was just a couple of days ago you were in the hospital and in so much pain that they had to knock you up with some serious drugs.”

Hutch tossed the magazine in a nearby empty chair. “That’s what happens when you get a kidney stone, partner. Dr. Meadows said it’s the closest thing a man can come to experiencing childbirth.”

“I guess we should be thankful that the pebble you peed out doesn’t require eighteen years of childcare plus a college education to boot.”

Starsky ignored the roll of Hutch’s eyes and glanced at the corner cabinet next to him. A questionnaire propped up near the sink got his attention. He picked it up and began reading.

“What’d you find?”

Smirking, Starsky winked at Hutch. “A questionnaire about erectile dysfunction.”

“Not an area we need help in.”

Getting to his feet, Starsky said, “There’s one way to find out, Hutch.”

“Starks, please.”

“Number one.” Starsky moved next to Hutch. “How do you rate your confidence to keep an erection?” Smiling broadly, Starsky answered, “Number five…High.”

“No doubt about that,” Hutch said.

“When you had erections with sexual stimulation, how often were your erections hard enough for penetration?” Starsky sighed with pride and glanced at his partner. “Number five again, buddy.”

“You’re on a roll.”

“Number three.” Starsky settled an elbow on Hutch’s thigh and leaned close. “During sexual intercourse, how often were you able to maintain your erection after penetration of your partner?” He looked into Hutch’s eyes. “Number five again. Always,” Starsky bragged.

Hutch nervously cleared his throat and stole a glance at the closed door. “Don’t even think about it,” Hutch softly warned.

With an offended look in Hutch’s direction, Starsky covered his heart with his hand. “Hutch, I can’t believe you think I’d be so low as to seduce you in the doctor’s examining room.”

Hutch shook his head at the puppy-dog look his partner was giving him. “You’re forgetting the elevator two weeks ago.”

“Twenty-five floors, Blondie. That’s a long ways up.”

“Starsky, it could’ve stopped on any of those floors and…” Starsky’s low chuckle stopped him.

With a grin stretching cheek to cheek, Starsky turned his attention back to the questionnaire. “Number four says, ‘During sexual intercourse how difficult was it to maintain erection to completion of intercourse?’.” Starsky thoughtfully looked over at Hutch. “Highest is number five.”

“So.”

“Number five says ‘no difficulty.’”

“Well…”

“There out to be a number six.”

“Why?” Hutch rubbed his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what number six would be.

“For ‘easy as pie’,” Starsky boasted proudly.

Hutch tried not to groan and looked down at the questionnaire.

“Number five…When you attempted intercourse how often was it satisfactory for you?” With a gratifying sigh, Starsky smiled with pleasure. “That’s a five, too.”

With a slow grin, Hutch put his arm around Starsky’s shoulder. “And for the partner, too.”

Starsky laughed and set the questionnaire aside. “One thing’s for sure.”

“What’s that?”

“We’re off the chart. It only scores up to twenty-five and we got a twenty-six.”

“And it took you this long to figure that out?”

After giving Hutch a kiss on the cheek, Starsky said, “Nope. It’s just a reaffirmation of what I already knew.”


End file.
